At work, at church, or simply when walking through the neighborhood I oftentimes meet individuals and families who make an indelible impression on me. It may be due to a unique, fascinating, appealing, or even humorous way of life or household. Sometimes it's due to an instant bond that is formed due to an uncanny similarity between our lives. The rest of the time, I feel drawn to a person or family as a result of finding out about a overwhelming burden or need they are dealing with.

Typically (especially with the latter experience listed) I rush home to tell Faith that I think it'd be a good idea for us to get to know so-and-so and so-and-so's family. It is my earnest hope that the spark behind all this is a manifestation, or at the very least a fuzzy image, of God's love in residence and working in me.

Unfortunately, there is usually some sort of a colossal breakdown that occurs which cuts short or contaminates our initial desire for community, relationship, and Love in action. Could be my inability to follow through with things. Could be pride or ego. Could be a failure to follow the example of Christ at the apostles. Could be due to a multitude of sins. Who knows.

Once I realize I've fallen short and screwed up I normally shrug it off and toss the idea into the waste bin. However, lately I've been wrestling over this particular shortcoming. Why have I neglected a certain call towards ministry in the form of friend and neighbor? Why have I instead filled my time with mind-numbing/body-pleasing activities that serve no good to me, to Faith, or anyone for that matter?

All I know is that my actions are well-represented in a song entitled "Where the Angels Sleep" by one of my favorite lyrcists, Bebo Norman:

I don't know why I always run
Is it fear of the fall or fear of the touch?
And I don't know how to really love
I've never stood still long enough

But I am alive and standing strong
I'm no farther forward, just farther along
I hold on to my pride and dig in deep
It's pulling me down, and I am no closer to release

It's taken ten thousand days
To get stuck in my ways
And it offers no grace
I cannot stand this place
With love in my face
I walk away slowly

Holding onto my pride and perhaps a fear of transparency, I now realize that in these "ten thousand days" of mine (27 years if you do the math) I've gotten "stuck in my ways" as I, over and over again, walk away slowly with the opportunity for Love right there in front of me.

The opportunity to give a bit of Love, and in return no doubt, receiving an immeasurable amount of this Gift.

This last week, I became acquainted with a pregnant lady immigrated from Mexico who was already a mother of 3 year-old twins. She was currently dealing with sanctions imposed on her welfare status, while trying to figure out how to secure a decent paying job despite her inefficient knowledge of English. Throughout the week, I struggled in trying to understand her situation while looking to fairly place her in an English or job training class in which she would benefit. However, by the end of the week she was experiencing severe stomach pains, and after eventually going to the hospital she was informed that she had a miscarriage. Understandably, she decided to leave everything all together and go home indefinitely.

So now I'm left with that familiar desire to open up our home and resources to her and her family. Only I'm a bit angry at myself because I almost expect to fail. On top of that, I'm fearful that I will "walk away slowly" in an attempt to ease my way out of this burden.

So what's a fool to do? To ignore the situation altogether would be perhaps a greater sin than failing.

All that my senses offer me is the example of Christ in Gethsemane. After confronted with the imminent danger that would be betrayal, arrest, torture, trial, and crucifixion, Christ certainly had the opportunity many -ologists call "fight or flight". But rather than choosing to resist or flee the perils ahead, he embraced them. One of his followers chose to fight. Others obviously fled. But yet Christ embraced the task at hand.

To embrace whatever opportunity for Love is standing in front of me--now that's a novel concept! It seems embracing leaves no room for walking away slowly or easing out of commitment.

Embracing forces touch.