The helping of others, the giving of alms, and all external goods don't calm the arrogance of the heart. Humility of the mind, the pain of repentence and the breaking of the will, however, humble the proud spirit.

- Elder Joseph the Hesychast

As long as I've known of it, Lent has always been a time of tension for me. My background and the church I grew up in doesn't practice it or even make reference to it. However, in the travels of my faith journey, I found myself drawn to the communities that not only recognize it, but practice it in earnestness.

So in my stronger years, I've had (by my own judgement of course) "successful" times of fasting during this season. However, in later years I've backed off of the intensity of the choice fast and often find loopholes to offer me an out should I grow tired or bored of the fast.

The current year properly illustrates the aforementioned friction caused by my own past experiences and shortcomings. Visiting two different churches on the spectrum certainly adds to the dilemma.

What does Lent mean to me? Why am I only concerned with the idea of fasting at this time of year? What more does Lent mean besides starving or depriving myself?

Perhaps the first step is to embrace the sprit of Elder Joseph above and admit the filth of my sin and the plague within me that is pride.

How that leads me to the spirit of the true fast that Isaiah writes about is beyond me.

Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of injustice, to undo the thongs of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover them, and not to hide yourself from your own kin?

- Isaiah 58:6-7